How to Hold a Healthy Grudge
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How to Hold a Healthy Grudge

Why holding a grudge can help you and also be healthy at the same time.

It's no secret: people in your life are going to make you so angry that your head will spin. However, in our society, we've been taught that there is a freedom in forgiving and forgetting. There is a new philosophy that is starting to state that it is not always necessary to forgive. In fact, some might say that forgiving someone who wrongs you can turn you into a doormat for others to walk on in the future. However, it is not healthy to hold on to something that angers you to the point that it takes over your life. There are some ways that holding a grudge can actually help you.

Holding a grudge against someone doesn't mean that you live your life "trying to get them back." It does mean that you know how they wronged you and you are not going to let them do it again. For instance, perhaps you catch a co-worker revealing something personal about you to another co-worker. There is no need to confront that person or even verbally tell them how mad you are. Instead, keep your distance. Be politely professional and interact with that person only on that level. I guarantee you, the person will not only notice that you've been distant, but probably internally know why.

We all have had friendships end in some way or another. Most of those friendships probably were the result of a betrayal by one or more parties. There is no need to keep the negativity alive by taking easy jabs at the person. You can even keep the friendship while still protecting yourself. Trust me, if someone will hurt you once, they will hurt you over and over again. Be cautious of trusting your friend in similar situations that caused the betrayal in the first place. Let that person know they have to earn your trust back. If they refuse to do that, let that friend go and move on.

So your boyfriend cheated on you? There are instances where cheating doesn't necessarily mean that the relationship won't eventually work out. However, your boyfriend needs to know that now he no longer gets the trust and privacy he once enjoyed before. He needs to make his cell phone, email, and Facebook available to you 24/7. I can almost guarantee if he's still being a dog he will try to make you feel crazy for requesting that access. That should be a major red flag. If he wants your trust back, he has to earn it. If he refuses your demands, get out of the relationship fast. If you choose to stay and continue to be a doormat, you only have yourself to blame.

The major lesson to be learned here is that once someone hurts you or wrongs you, you have the power to make sure that never happens again. Sure, your relationships with people might have to change. However, their betrayal should tell you that perhaps that relationship shouldn't be as close as it was. You do not need to forgive and forget to feel free from the problem. That forgiveness needs to be earned, especially if the betrayal was done by someone close to you. If they refuse to do the work necessary to earn your trust back, smile politely and walk away. That's where the real freedom lies.

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Comments (2)
Ranked #1 in Happiness

Excellent article!

How true! Great article