Learning that happiness is who we are, not what we do is part of the physical learning experience. Because of the lessons we learn when we are children, when our happiness is disrupted, it sets us on a course of attempting to find happiness by doing something.
It is said that we are responsbile for our own happiness. This is a statement that we hear often and agree with, but that still doesn't mean that we are happy. That everyone wants happiness is obvious, but external conditions constantly interfere with the happiness we are responsible for. If external conditions interfere with what we are responsible for, then how can we be responsible for our own happiness?
If an individual wants to buy a house, because being in possession of a house will place them in charge of their own happiness, but the bank says they can't buy a house because they do not qualify, should they walk away with a false smile on their face and hide their disappointment behind a happy mask? What if they go to several banks and continue to hear the same message? Is this a cause for happiness? Obviously there is something that is not being addressed. If being responsible for ones own happiness means that they are not in charge of their own decisions, it is essential that the issue of happiness be readdressed.
Physical life is dependent on external conditions. This is not anything we were born understanding, but learned from people who we were dependent upon to define happiness for us when we were children. In effect, we were not in charge of our external world, and were subject to people who did not necessarily understand the concept of what made us happy. Thus, it was learned that we had to accept what other people assigned to us, and it was our responsibility to figure out how to make happiness out of these assignments. It is true, some external things made us laugh, but other things, not so much.
Children are naturally happy. But when a child is punished when they are displaying happiness, it creates an unconscious memory that it is not safe to be happy. Not every child learns this lesson, and not every child accepts this lesson. But for those who do, being responsible for their own happiness is a challenge that becomes even more pronounced as they reach adulthood. Being punished for being happy is a lesson that redefines the purpose of happiness in the mind of the child.
Cleaning ones room and doing dishes does not create a signature happy childhood memory. Most parents teach their children that doing dishes or etc will substantiate a reason for happiness because doing will teach reward through allowance. If getting a reward through doing does not teach happiness, then what does it teach? You get to go out and be happy once you finish your chores. Under these circumstances, happiness is an effect of doing, not a cause of being. Because we were born happy, then the cause for happiness is internal, not external. If someone laughs at something external, it is not because of what is being done. It is because it tickles the inner light.
If an individual says; I will be happy when, they will never be happy. Doing to be is a backwards intellectual way of teaching that steals happiness. It is impossible to do happy, because happiness comes from being. Doing happy doesn't even sound right. Once a doing to be lesson has been learned in childhood, it does not just go away in adulthood. Adults who continue to do things believing it will ultimately bring happiness are dillusional and deceiving themselves. Unless the problem is recognized, the problem will continue until death. Because it is impossible to correct a problem unless it is identified correctly, many adults go on a search for happiness, never realizing that the problem is within them, not "out there."
Being happy comes from emotional integrity. All emotional integrity comes as standard equipment when we are born. All emotional integrity is internal. Whenever an intellectual external lesson interferes with internal emotional integrity, the lesson will implant in the mind of the child that it is possible to do something to get the happiness that they were born with.
We are all creatures of habit. This is also one of those sayings that we hear and accept, but seldom fully appreciate the implications of. Once a habit is learned, it is acted on as if it were real. The habit of doing to be causes depression, physical and psychological pain, disease, unhappiness, inner and outer conflict, and feelings of unworthiness. When we can never seem to "get it right," it is because we do not know how. We do not know how because it is not anything we can learn to do. It is Who We are.