HereÂ’s a not-so-comprehensive list. The intention is to help one move from some unhappy situations.
We are all exhorted not to quit on anything- studies, job, marriage, and relationship, even diet and exercise. Sure, endurance and patience are the signs of responsibility and maturity. But this doesn’t discriminate between life- enhancing and life- destroying persistence.
So what should you quit on? Here’s a not-so-comprehensive list. The intention is to help one move from some unhappy situations.
1. Quitting Work:
lf you've called it quits at your workplace, there are a few things you need to look into. First update your CV, network and start making the rounds of headhunters. Upgrade your skills while waiting to land the next job. In case things don't work out, create a safety net, such as a year's rent, six months' worth of living expenses, etc.
Match your skill sets to your personality so that you don't end up being the proverbial square peg in a round hole one more time.
• Write down what you like and dislike about this job. This is closely allied to your levels of competency.
• Review your skill-sets, check out your attitude and see where work needs to be done.
• Investigate - network with people in the industry who are doing the jobs you would like to do and find out the winning differences. The problem could be you, not the company or your boss.
• Don’t leave in anger. Great in movies, but a disaster in real life. If your replacement comes in during your notice period, ease her into the job. This will enhance your professional reputation.
2. Letting go of friends:
When is it time to move on? When you feel more let down than happy after time spent with them. A continuous barrage of snide remarks and putdowns is a clear indication that something is wrong. Remember that a really good friend would be celebrating you, not trying to pull you down.
On the other hand, the problem could be you. If you persist in still looking for the giggly every-silly-detail-shared relationship that 11-years-olds favour, then maybe it is your friends who would like to shake free. It might be a good idea to start easing out of the friendship gradually. Regardless of what 'Agony Aunts' may advice, being frank, free and fearless is not a good idea while bidding farewell to jobs and friends.
Spend some time alone with yourself. Read, take up yoga, swing in a salsa class, join an adventure club - friends will come again, more in tune with your life and future plans.
3. Weighty loss:
This issue can become an obsession. If you are clearly overweight, then losing weight can be tough but life enhancing. But losing the last 1O kilos can take over your life to the exclusion of all other priorities and turn you into one of the world's great bores.
Like all roads lead to hell, all your thoughts and conversation will lead to this fixation. Quit while you are ahead on this one. You have given it your best shot so if it is not happening, let it go. Concentrate your energies on weight maintenance, and go on to the many more important things.
4. To-do or not to:
It happens too many of us, sooner rather than later. Juggling work and family commitments means that the 'to-do' list is our defence against chaos.
But you are in trouble when:
• You wake up and look at the list instead of greeting your family.
• You get a sinking feeling every time you do.
• It doesn't make sense to anyone but you.
• It is NOT making your life easy
• Make sure the list works for you.
• It should deal solely with YOUR priorities and not anyone else’s.
• Learn to delegate. You are not Super-woman. You don't need to be.
• On non-priority items, have realistic expectations of yourself. So the cupboard didn't get cleaned, the bath mat doesn't match with the bath towel, the dinner is a one-dish meal, and you haven't answered your e-mails. Will any of this create real problems in your life?
The relief when you let go of non-essentials is over-whelming. Instead put in a couple of things you really enjoy doing, and concentrate on better time management. The list will become an asset, not a chore.
5. Going-nowhere relationships:
lf it is an abusive liaison, get out of it, fast. Once a man has got a taste for lifting his hand on the woman in his life, it’s almost impossible to stop or change him. You have to find means to delink from negative dependency.
If there are children involved, don’t kid yourself that you are staying on for them, and that they won't know. They always know, and the consequent emotional damage is terrible. And, do you really wish to live in fear and humiliation?
The going-nowhere relationship is self-explanatory. Either he is so possessive that he stifles and almost destroys you, or he is the 'we'll see' guy. Commitment is not on his agenda. He will keep promising marriage but he will always have a reasons for not setting a date/telling his parents/meeting yours. One thing is for sure - sooner or later he is going to leave you.
There is no easy way to break away from these addictive relationships, but you have to accept he was a mistake, and move on.
Be prepared for a period of pain and isolation but once you are past that, you will feet lighter and better. Leaving the familiar is always tough, so use the best cure of all- re-channel your energy and focus on your work. Let cheerfulness break in.